The attendant thinks it is some sudden form of religious mania which has
seized him. If so, we must look out for squalls, for a strong man with
homicidal and religious mania at once might be dangerous. The combination is a
dreadful one.
At Nine o'clock I visited him myself. His attitude to me was the same as
that to the attendant. In his sublime selffeeling the difference between myself
and the attendant seemed to him as nothing. It looks like religious mania, and
he will soon think that he himself is God.
These infinitesimal distinctions between man and man are too paltry for an
Omnipotent Being. How these madmen give themselves away! The real God taketh
heed lest a sparrow fall. But the God created from human vanity sees no
difference between an eagle and a sparrow. Oh, if men only knew!
For half an hour or more Renfield kept getting excited in greater and
greater degree. I did not pretend to be watching him, but I kept strict
observation all the same. All at once that shifty look came into his eyes which
we always see when a madman has seized an idea, and with it the shifty movement
of the head and back which asylum attendants come to know so well. He became
quite quiet, and went and sat on the edge of his bed resignedly, and looked
into space with lack-luster eyes.
I thought I would find out if his apathy were real or only assumed, and
tried to lead him to talk of his pets, a theme which had never failed to excite
his attention.
At first he made no reply, but at length said testily, "Bother them
all! I don't care a pin about them."
"What" I said. "You don't mean to tell me you don't care
about spiders?" (Spiders at present are his hobby and the notebook is
filling up with columns of small figures.)
To this he answered enigmatically, "The Bride maidens rejoice the eyes
that wait the coming of the bride. But when the bride draweth nigh, then the
maidens shine not to the eyes that are filled."
He would not explain himself, but remained obstinately seated on his bed all
the time I remained with him.
I am weary tonight and low in spirits. I cannot but think of Lucy, and how
different things might have been. If I don't sleep at once, chloral, the modern
Morpheus! I must be careful not to let it grow into a habit. No, I shall take
none tonight! I have thought of Lucy, and I shall not dishonour her by mixing
the two. If need by, tonight shall be sleepless.
Later.--Glad I made the resolution, gladder that I kept to it. I had lain
tossing about, and had heard the clock strike only twice, when the night
watchman came to me, sent up from the ward, to say that Renfield had escaped. I
threw on my clothes and ran down at once. My patient is too dangerous a person
to be roaming about. Those ideas of his might work out dangerously with
strangers.
The attendant was waiting for me. He said he had seen him not ten minutes
before, seemingly asleep in his bed, when he had looked through the observation
trap in the door. His attention was called by the sound of the window being
wrenched out. He ran back and saw his feet disappear through the window, and
had at once sent up for me. He was only in his night gear, and cannot be far
off.
The attendant thought it would be more useful to watch where he should go
than to follow him, as he might lose sight of him whilst getting out of the
building by the door. He is a bulky man, and couldn't get through the window.
I am thin, so, with his aid, I got out, but feet foremost, and as we were
only a few feet above ground landed unhurt.